Burky's Blog

Dear Friends;

"Doing right never hurt anyone, but doing wrong will always hurt someone." That was the quote I found on perpetual calender. I question that quote, because Jesus and Paul both experienced doing right but got persecuted by it. Doing right would hurt the darkness. Light always is blinding to darkness.

I am back home from Belize. I am glad to be home, yet I am glad for my experiences in Belize. I went to Belize with a purpose of finding out information I was looking for. Now I know what I want to know. I got few ideas about buying land in Belize, and observe my gang that I haven't kept in touch for long time.

They all got disillusioned by Christian faith that they left it, but even that didn't stop them from keep on being friends with those who they know are dependable. They know that there are true Christian friends who they can depend on, but they find Christianity itself too difficult to continue therein.

I long to show them there is a better way. The easier way, because Jesus said, "My yoke is easy and my burden is light." After all, my understanding of Christian life is that it is really all about unifying oneself to the Universe. In other words, true believing Christian live a common sense life at all times.

Not human reasoning, but Biblical logic. If you would observe Biblical logic, you would see that it is really all about breaking the vicious cycle of sin. Like for example, nonresistance as Mennonites taught it, would influence peace more than war.

I was busy walking on towpath on weekday mornings and working on my book until June 9, when I flew to Belize for two-week vacation. I flew to Belize with a purpose—to see if that is really where I want to end up in. Plus, I want to know the spiritual temperature of my gang as well as CDI, where I taught for two years. I heard things have changed, so I want to see it for myself.

The spiritual temperature of CDI is not enough to satisfy me and, because of that, I don't think I will ever work there again—even if they ask me to. The same true of Jesus Deaf Church in Orange Walk, although I didn't get chance to visit there.

I finished my book hastily before I left for Belize, because I realize that I would always keep adding to my book. If I would learn where is the stopping point, I probably would continue the work. Also, if there are people who wrote a book in 28 days, surely they must be contented with the outcome. I just want to be so clear in my book that more people would become Christian than not by reading my book.

Then for two weeks in Belize, I continue to check my emails and Facebook, but I didn't answer emails concerning my book. Now I stopped sending out my books via email and will soon get back to editing my book again. I have learn quite few things while in Belize that I felt would be beneficial to my book. So in time, I will again work on my book.

When I flew into Belize on June 9, my sister and her CDI directors were there waiting for me. It was good to see my sister, but I didn't know Clarence. Eventually, I find Clarence an affable man, and I think I would enjoy working with him.

First few nights, I slept overnight at Glenn Loewen's house. I was pleased to have my own room, where I can spend time meditating. I was reading The Case for Christ while flying to Belize, especially during the four-hour wait in Dallas.

I find that book extremely fascinating; it further confirms my conviction that my Jesus is for real. Although I never question the authenticity of the Bible and Jesus, my convictions got confirmed by debating with atheists and agnostics on Facebook.

I went to meet with the board of CDI and confessed my former errors. I repented of my sins that I committed during the last year I taught at CDI. It was such a joy for me to do so, knowing that I will not backslide again. Sure, I would make mistakes, but my absolute confidence is in Jesus. Because of my absolute confidence in Christ, I am so free—so free that I would be doing few things that many of my Christian friends would find unorthodox. With that job of restoring peace with brethren done, I continue to visit Caribbean Tires because they are the only ones that provide free Internet. I checked my email and Facebook almost everyday.

Fortunately, because of that, I was able to meet most people I came to Belize to see within few days. Finally on Friday night, I got to sleep on CDI campus. Even though it was nice to be closer to my sister, but I find myself hanging out with my Belizean friends more than anyone else. Because of that, it is almost better to continue sleeping at Glenn Loewen's. After all, it is closer to Caribbean Tires that way than lodging at CDI. Next time I come to Belize, I don't think I will sleep on CDI campus, unless if Joel Reed had his "basement" ready for lodging.

Of course, I don't know my future. I prefer going with the flow, because I have learn that submission as taught in the Bible is really all about no resistance whatsoever. Surrender as taught in the Bible is really all about stop resisting to whatever happens to me. My observation and conclusion is that if we feel irritable or frustrated, we are resisting something. Until CDI is "dancing in the Lord", I would not work there as a staff. Until I have money to buy land and build house, I won't go to Belize ever again.

I will ever be thankful to Julia for loaning me her free miles. It was only because of her that I was able to come to Belize. She has American Airlines credit card, which she use to get free miles. Every dollar spend equals every mile gained. She used it to buy her new hearing aids, so therefore accumulate enough miles for me to fly to Belize—and leftover to fly to California. I ask her if I could use it to fly to Kansas, but she felt Belize is enough. I told her I am glad God is not like her—He will keep on giving.

There are few days while in Belize I found boring. I suppose on those days I should have went to CDI to see if I could do something. The drawback I have is I don't know what is expected of me if I do the work, so I prefer to stay out—only to find out later that my sister complained a bit that I didn't do any voluntary work.

First Sunday had me giving devotions. I used the story of prodigal son and add few lessons to it. The message, I don't remember. I was disappointed to find that I missed out Melvin Loewen's message about believing on second Sunday. It just happens this way that Joel took his siblings to the airport that morning and he gave us free ride home.

When I went meeting people, I was impressed to find Glenn and Melvin believing exactly like I do. I told Joel that I feel like we are living in end times—more and more people are understanding more about God. More people are letting God be, rather than fitting Him into their perspective.

My heart sank when I heard history of each boys, but find it intriguing that they all say that they want to stop now. I told them when I go back home and when life go stale on them, they would fall back into same sin that they say they would slack off. All of them agreed with me on that.

Friday evening was the graduation night for Elorene, Yulma, and Melleni. They weren't students, but CDI and others were kind enough to give them a sense of accomplishment. I did enjoy the cake that my sister decorated. Rojo (sp?) preached an excellent message, exactly to what I believe in. I was even pleased in Clarence preaching about believing that night. He use electricity as an illustration.

First Saturday find me with Glenn Loewen. He use lasso to round up the calves to tag and to castrate the bulls. A quick glance over the bookwork gives me a glimpse how Spanish Lookout families can function very well. They do pool their money together, and because of that, they are able to prosper far beyond Belizean natives. I got bored with watching the cattle, and what's more, I hate the pain those little bulls have to go through when castrated. To think they have to put up with sore for days until it finally healed—and what if it never healed?

Because I got bored, I decided to walk back into the Central Road in Spanish Lookout. I stopped at Caribbean Tires to check my email and Facebook. When I was done, I start walking out only to see Joel and Emily driving by and stopped to let me tag along with them. I felt like bursting with happiness to see that friends care enough to stop and give me rides. I tag along with them to bookstore. I sure enjoy browsing around.

After that, I went back to CDI. I felt life was so good.

Sunday morning, I had devotional about prodigal son. I explained that I was a prodigal son and I also warns about those who have been a Christian for a long time would be more likely to look at me as a prodigal son with a contempt as the elder son did to his prodigal brother. Pedro told me later that he didn't quite follow to what I am saying. I went too fast for him. I did think I should make a chart-like illustration on the easel board, but I didn't.

That evening, Fredy, Pedro, Sandino, and I went to Hode's Place. We really had a good time visiting and eating together. I beat Fredy and Pedro with a game of air hockey. I did wonder if that table is old and lacking some necessary maintenance. We did had a nice ice cream while we play arcade games.

Monday morning, I was curious to see how that part where creek and river separated the waters. I had many good memories of that spot while I work at CDI, and I did get to see much change in the setting. No longer do we have same access as we used to. I decided to go swimming. The creek part is shallow, so I just bask in it.

Upon dressing, I went back to the ferry. Because of my messy hair, I decided to reach for a comb that I usually kept in my back pocket. I was disappointed to find it was gone, but I figured that I probably left it at CDI. While I was crossing the ferry, I had a strong feeling that I should go back to where I was swimming.

I did, and I found my comb. I knew that moment that I lost my wallet. Uh-oh. $40 in Belize money, driver's license just new two weeks ago, library cards, and my bank card are all swept down the creek. I decided to go back to CDI instead of Spanish Lookout as I first planned. I ask my sister to call my mom and let my family be informed what happened. But my sister must know all the details before she make the call. I finally decided to email directly to my bank agent about my lost bank card. He replied quickly and hot-card it. I was so glad to have that taken care of, and now my sister don't have to call my mother. I was bit miffed at my sister having to know all the details before making the move, because I know that is the reason why she didn't succeed well in her Christian life—she have to know how rather than just do it.

Next day I went to Caribbean Tires and put on my status, saying that I am agreeing with Job, "God gave and God take away, blessed be the name of the Lord." Of course that piqued some curiosity which lead few questioning. I confessed my loss, which I reaped few sympathy. I didn't feel sorry for myself, because I knew that the darkest hour of the day is just before the dawn. Better things are coming; I am to trust in the Lord to bring it to pass.

Wednesday evening I was surprised to find CDI so tenderhearted to collect money for my sake. That perplexed the students, because they always assumed that Americans are rich. Clarence did try to explain to them about my bank card. I am deeply grateful to them, but I didn't know how to show it other than simply say, "Thank you!" I wasn't expecting that at all—I was only assuming that I would get better days when I return to States, not in Belize! Certainly God move in mysterious ways...

That evening, we had a fun night. With a lone floor light shining to the ceilings and with a stuffed frog hugging the pole for its dear life, we sat at the table arranged around the room. My, it was a fun night.

Next day, I tagged along to go to P.G. I went along the vanload to take the students home there. Unfortunately, when we went south on Hummingbird Highway, we saw flooding around the rivers. Finally when we got to the bridge where they were repairing, we had to detour to new bridge...only to find that water wash away around the bridge. We waited 2 and half hours for a bulldozer to come to fill around the bridge, but gave up and return home. They decided to try again on Friday, but I was dubious about more rains overnight. What if that freshly-made pile of dirt again got washed away? I decided not to go along with that van again. Plus, Clarence, the driver, did suspect that I might not get to see Demetro, my main purpose for going to P.G., because of flooding in Stann Creek.

Friday, Fermin and I went to Belize City. I was glad for that privilege to see Rancey once again. I was in hard place, trying to choose between the party at Joel's house and the party the boys want to throw for me. I finally conceded that it is bit wiser for me to go ahead with the party the boys decided for my sake. The party Joel Reed was hosting isn't exactly in my sake, although Fredy and Pedro both wish I would be there. I slept overnight at Rancy's house that night.

Then Saturday night, I slept overnight at Raymond's house. We did have a good time talking about our dreams and various things. Fermin was curious about ASL verison from Jehovah's Witnesses, so we did watch that awhile. Rancy complained too much, so we eventually stopped to please him. I knew Fermin was merely interested in how they acted in the DVDs, and so was I, but Raymond jump in, taking advantage of the situation, by trying to drill us about Jehovah's Witnesses teachings. That is the setback I had about watching that DVD.

Watching that DVD makes me feel empty. I mean, the teaching isn't deep. I understand it is for beginners, especially those who are bit inexperienced with Scriptures. Still, there are little or no statement about Jesus as God's Son and that He is the Savior of the world. The only time it would mentioned about Jesus is that He is God's best friend. I knew—and believed—that Jesus is much more than just God's friend.

Later, TV was on for something else. Fermin and Rancy got drooling after some expert gangster doing some stunts. I felt bit turned off from that, but knew that Fermin and Rancy was always shallow thinkers. They cannot see beyond the surface—or so it seems.

Sunday I returned back to CDI from Belmopan. It was good to be home. I saw the staff of CDI had their merry time of playing game. I simply went to my room, napped, and then shower. Then I am ready for the evening.

Most evenings spend at CDI was playing volleyball. I love that game, because it gives me a chance to exercise and have fun doing it. I gotta shed those extra pounds!

Perhaps, I should be willing to go to CDI next year, if asked, because I know all those exercise of playing volleyball and soccer would help shedding off my extra pounds. The more I think about it, the more open I am to it. Still, I prefer the idea of having the money first before going to Belize. It is no fun to live in Belize without money. I hate asking for donations and all that.

I felt enriched by visiting Belize. When I came home from Belize, I got a new driver's license and bank card. Papa also transferred the car title into my hands. Now my car is legally my own.

I have a wedding to go to in Wisconsin, but so far, I haven't found a ride yet. I admit I felt bit God-forsaken, but I figured it is all my fault. I should have planned ahead to find if there is a way I can ride along. All I know I wanna go to the wedding, but now lately, I am starting to wonder if I really want to. I do know sitting through a wedding service is boring if there is no interpreter available. Still, I am certain that my deaf friend would be there and his dad probably would interpret for us. It would be good to see my deaf friend again. I sure wonder how Edward Burkholder looks like with Cochlear Implant.

July 3 is rather busy day. We had about 130+ customers that day, then it is nice to have off on July 4. My family went picnicking at Morgan's Grove, just south of Shepherdstown, West Virgina. It is good—and bad—to see my brother again. Good, because our family are rarely together. Bad, because Enos' company isn't all that pleasant to be around. Susan and I suspected that he is running away from his guilt. If he sit still for few minutes, he might fall back thinking about things he wish he wouldn't have done.

After picnicking, Julia, Susan, and I went to Maryland Heights. We went to Cliff Overlook, and we enjoyed the panoramic view of Harpers Ferry and Potomac River as well as Shenandoah River. It is a place where you can get a bird's eye view of three states.

Getting there is quite a uphill climb, but it is worth it all. My sisters don't think they would go again, but I think I will. I can climb without exhaustion. It is two-hour round trip hike.