Burky's Blog

Today is Bethany Gehman's birthday, and I sure wonder how she is doing. Especially in her Christian life and all.

It has been a long time since I wrote a blog. It is about time! Perhaps one reason I didn't write was because I was bit humiliated about losing my job, but I felt I learn my lesson and it was a good test for me to think positively even if everything is against me.

I enjoy Christmas party that I hosted at Jay's and then I moved back to my family's home the following Monday. It was good to be back home, to my very own room, that I can do whatever I pleased with it.

I haven't found any new job since I lost my last job, and I may wasted some good time on trivial pursuits. Still, I have began writing a book, and try catching up reading e-books.

That e-book that I am reading these days, Think and Grow Rich. The message is clear and it is very deep. It is so deep that I have to stop reading at the end of the chapter and go for a walk along the creek, to Burnside Bridge, or through Antietam Battlefield. I was stunned to see so many similar principles can be applied to Christian Life! And many teachings in that book also agrees with the Bible, which again convinces me that God's truths are eternal and unchanging. Again, it is enough to say that we don't need any books other than the Bible to live a good life; although many of us would admit that reading books would color our views and understanding of the Bible. Most of us, who grew up reading the Bible, tend to take truths less real and personal to us. Hence the books may change that viewpoint.

One interesting point in that e-book I am reading also teaches purity! That was what we are going to study about this coming Wednesday. I did the questions and I look over my Christian life.

I have always had a see-saw life; I follow the moods that I am in. One day, I may have a holy passion, studying the Bible or anything religion related. Next day, I may felt lazy and want to do mischief. I would go as far as going against the better knowledge. It was a vicious cycle that I had for many years. I would say 15 years of Christian life, although that personality of mine has always been with me since childhood.

I was thinking about there are times when I seriously want to live a good life, and then there are times when I felt like giving up. On and on it goes, until finally last August, I understood.

I read the latest Country magazine this afternoon and saw the Rural Pearls in the back that say, "You can't put old heads on young shoulders." How true. No matter how much I may wish people would see things the way I do, I have to remind myself that people learn at their pace. And they learn by doing, more than anything, according to recent e-books I have had read. If people continue to do what they think is right, they won't learn to see what the God says is right.

Think and Grow Rich mentions about Infinite Intelligence: that is a nice and unoffensive name to use when trying to talk with atheists who had a bad taste for God's name. Even then, that book did mention God in various places. Anyway, it is interesting to me to notice that a book that have best information to help you to succeed often go back to your mind power.

I have an e-book titled, "Burn the Fat, Feed the Muscle." I never get to finish reading that book; I suppose the information is too deep for me to absorb at one time. I should go back to that e-book again sometimes soon and that's what I plan to do after finishing Absolute Secrets e-books.

Those two books start out with your own power, the very power that God created in you. I am not talking about trying to live a holy life; it is choosing to want to do what is right. It is choosing and acting on what is universally recognized as truth. You can choose to do what is right and you can choose to think what you want to think. You can control your thoughts by directing it into whatever channels you put it. Many may say they cannot help but think wrong things, but they wouldn't admit that they can help about dwelling on it. A flash of thought is not same as thinking and mulling over it.

And those two books again talks about desire. If you want it badly enough, you will get it soon enough. If you want it badly enough, you will persevere in it and succeed in whatever you choose to do.

It is same idea that James is teaching. I am memorizing the book of James. I have always wish to memorize that book, but never had any stamina to stick to it until the end. Now I kind of make that into my New Year's Resolutions and determined to persevere in succeeding for whatever I wish to do. Anyway, back to James, I had memorized the first 10 verses of James 1. Verses 5-8 does teach persistence. Many Christians promote the idea of submission, and they took that idea too far. That's where "D" personality comes in. (If you read the book Who Are You...Anyway? or check the website, www.personalityinsights.com, you will know what I am talking about.) Sometimes you have to be defiant and stubborn; you won't have it any other way BUT THIS!

"A double minded man is unstable in all his ways." James 1:8

In all his ways! My point exactly! If you are unstable in some areas, you are unstable in other areas as well. In years past, I wasn't stable in my Christian life. I wasn't successful in saving money or in getting my business going. I wasn't successful in finding a wife either. Thus my Christian life was legalistic and licensed!

Before I hosted my Christmas party as well as my farewell party at Jay's, I start noticed that the very aura around me seems to be so different. Maybe I still have that problem of narcissism; still I felt the whole atmosphere changed around me for some reason.

I got involved with 4 people that I try talking them into thinking about the right way. A divorced mom say she wish her daughter would be with her for Christmas. But the problem is the court degreed that her daughter would be with her father most of the time, except scheduled times. So the problem is that mom would be stuck with her ex, if she want her daughter to be with her on Christmas. I told her why not forgive her ex and befriend him. Why not make up for the past? Why not invite him personally? She thinks I am crazy.

I ask one man about the pastor that I did consider of working with in deaf ministry. I heard that they didn't get along well, so I want to know if there is something I should know about that man I plan to work with. It turned out that man is at fault! I ask him if that pastor decided to go to his house uninvited, would he warmly invite that pastor in and keep peace? He say I am crazy to think like that!

One girl ask me if a girl would ask me out for a date, would I agree to it? I say NO! She said she ask many other men, and they agreed to it. I finally explain to her in my message to her in Facebook about why I don't agree to that. It is a easy way for man to get a wife, that's for sure, but it will make him more effeminate. If we observe the animals in the wild, we would notice that it is always the male who make the first move. God create man to take risks!

Another girl pined to her friends that I didn't invite her to my Christmas party. She even say I don't like her. I e-mailed to her directly that I will not invite her. I explain that it is her attitude that I am opposed to, not her persona. What I tried to help her is get her see that she is hurting herself more than anyone else. She is not in harmony with herself.

Of course, I have to remind myself that I am much like that myself back in the day. I remember Jason Eicher told me once that he hate most about my attitude of being "better than others". He hates it when I would get up and get my own red pepper shaker or my hot pepper sauce in the kitchen. The students at CDI aren't allowed to do that, but the staff can. So I took that privilege too far. He tried to explain it is those little things that I often get best things for myself.

Looking back, of course, I see that I do have a problem of narcissism.

No wonder I don't succeed well in my Christian life. I was quick to complain if someone would downplay me or defeat me. I didn't like losing games. I didn't like how the boys are better than me in sports or in any other areas.

No wonder.

Now back to Bible study. We sure have easy questions, because they are targeted to the youth. Many questions, I felt is laughable, but I understand. I was once that way myself.

When I consider few questions, I realize how tacky some situations I have caused the church ministry as well as CDI authorities to know how to deal with me. One question was: "When do evil thoughts become sin?" The answer is obvious; it is right there. For further explanation, I mentions whenever we seek for our glory. That was true in my case, but I don't know about everyone. If we start thinking about our well-being, it is dangerously close to sin. Some discussions we had at Bible study, I didn't like and didn't agree with, because I detect the spirit and the attitude of The Cat! (If you read that book, Cat and Dog Theology, you would know what I am talking about.) Even some answers that the bishop himself implies the attitudes that God is for us! It is very true, but I prefer the idea of being for Him!

One question in the study about purity was: "What is the basis for excommunicating a transgressor, even though he has repented?" I was excommunicated and suspended from communion more than once at my parents' church because I confessed that I sinned. I repented, but the church decided excommunication. I thought about different experiences I had over years, and I realize that question is tough. At first, I thought excommunication should only go to unrepentant, but later on, looking back, I realized that even if I repented, I didn't truly repent. If the church didn't excommunicate me, I wouldn't think about how serious a sin is. Just as much as it would mean to fire a Christian employee simply because he brought whiskey to workplace. If they didn't fire him because he say he is sorry and that he won't do it again, the sin of violating the company's policy wouldn't look so serious to him.

So the conclusion is: excommunication does have its benefits.

I also did the Sunday School lessons. It was based on 1 Peter 1:22-2:12. Some of the questions in there is intriguing to me. I felt like I can express my beliefs in them, although I probably won't answer in class. It make me think about many of my Christian friends think that I am walking on dangerous grounds, because of some teachings I shared and believed in.

Yesterday, I help Papa get some firewood in. Nicholas, the little boy who we babysit, want to be with Papa, but he is very afraid of that chain saw. He keep pestering Mama if that chain saw is put away, so he can go and be with Papa. I silently thought to myself that if that would be my boy, I would teach him to be brave and come near to chain saw. It is good to have some fear to protect him from harm, but he shouldn't be so afraid that he can't be around Papa.

That was an interesting experience I had and a good lesson for me. I have a passion for positive thinking and living boldly, so it was good to learn from Nicholas that day. I thought about Apostle Paul mentions about protecting his salvation with fear and trembling. I thought about the Bible does teach about fearing God, and it also repeatedly say fear not! So what is the healthy balance of fear?

I believe once we find that healthy balance of fear, we wouldn't want to take advantage of God's grace. We wouldn't want to sin, because it harms us and it hurts God. At same time, we shouldn't be afraid of what other man think, or if we know that the consequences of anything, including what we say or do, would leave us feeling good and blessed by God! What I mean by that is we should bravely and boldly do what we know would leave us feeling good and blessed at the end. Take for example, Rancey or Benji at CDI would practice on that unicycle until they succeed. They felt good once they know how! That alone is a blessing to have and to enjoy by the few. They did enjoy riding that unicycle around for a great while.

So my goal for this year is to be active and persistent in pursuing my business to prosper. I felt this is the best time of the history to succeed in your own business, because layoffs and unemployment is on rise, the highest in 16 years. People are realizing that if they work for their bosses, their lives are being controlled by their bosses. Their boss can fire them as they please. Their boss may be bound by the law to protect the employee, but the boss still have the control over the employee's paychecks and work life. So with jobless all high, it is good time to more business to get started.

After all, think of all large companies you can think of in USA. Most of them got started during the 1960's, 20 years after the Great Depression ends. I suspect the Great Depression have much to do with today's wealth and lifestyle that we as North Americans enjoy. So don't be dishearted by this looming depression, but be encouraged that people would start thinking seriously about life more.

Well, I must stop, and it is 12:30 Sunday morning!

Er, let me share one more thing...one of my memory verses went: "But the rich, in that he is made low, because as the flowers of the grass he shall pass away." It would be good for America to come to knees, because it is very rich and powerful. We are depending too much on technology that man made. While I advocate the idea that it is Christian to be rich, or at least prosperous, especially after reading Becoming Millionaire God's Way and Think and Grow Rich; I also warns against trusting in temporal things. We should have the spirit of Job, keep on trusting in God, no matter how situations present to us.

You have a nice night! Ok, it is nearly 1 AM by now. Good night, for sure now.

Postscript at 7:00 AM: after closing this letter and turn off the computer, I went to bed. I lay down thinking about Nicholas. Suddenly I thought of something. Nicholas is afraid of that chain saw, instead of trusting Papa. He didn't think about that Papa wouldn't harm him. He didn't think about Papa is a cautious person himself. How very much alike are many Christians in America today! We are afraid of things in this world. We don't want to sin, so we make rules for ourselves to avoid it. Mennonite and Amish churches make guidelines for its members to follow, so they won't be like the world. They are afraid of falling into sin or becoming like the world, instead of trusting God for their righteousness. We all have sinned and will continued to sin, so what's point of trying to avoid it? The Bible calls us to focus on the Author and the Finisher of our faith, and that whoever gather together in Jesus's name will have Jesus among them. Jesus is our advocate, and all we have to is to believe in Him so we can have access to God's kingdom. Abraham did and he is covered, even if he fibbed about his wife being his sister. (Consider Galatians 3:6 and Genesis 12:13, and then consider Revelation 21:8 that listed fear and unbelief as danger of hell fire!)

Besides, if you think about it, when church have their guidelines for its members, it is far too easy for its members to use those guidelines to feel that they are in God's favor. It is very dangerous and very easy to depend on guidelines, rather than trusting in God for our righteousness.

It is Monday morning now. I had 1 Peter 1,2 for Sunday School lesson, and got to hear Nathan Rohrer preach at Pinesburg Mennonite Church about being an overcomer. It was a good lesson for all of us, and I enjoyed it. I must admit that I was feeling bit dowsy that morning, much to my displeasure, but at least I learn and understood the message was about God's warning and promise to 7 churches. Then last evening, I got to hear David Weber preach. I couldn't help but think about all things that we went through in school, and times we spend together. To think 16 years ago, he and I went to Dominican Republic for my 16^th birthday and he was my interpreter. And then to think that my sister went there for two weeks Christmas vacation, just got home last Friday! David Weber preached about single eyeness. Just a timely message for me and it encourage me to take heart, the seriousness to be persistent in my godly pursuit. I realize that is my biggest problem: I never truly believe and I don't have goals to focus on. I didn't have a long-lasting results of my goals in mind.. Oh I have talked about this before. Yes, I KNOW I am a Christian, and there is no question about it. The question is now: will I be persistent in it and act upon my beliefs? At this time, I can say I am working on it, and I believe I will succeed by God's grace and by His power.

Anyway, it was a surprise and kind of tickling to see my cousin, Janet Martin, at Hagerstown Library this fine morning!