Burky's Blog

In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure.  --Bill Cosby

January 20, 2009

Dear Friends;

We had a nice snow yesterday, for which I am thankful, and also because of it, I got sore muscles. Mama was shoveling the snow, and I thought she said she is too old to work too hard. She invited me to help. I shoveled the whole driveway and parking lot. Well, I didn't exactly get really sore muscles, but I do feel some tired muscles the next day.

I woke up at 3AM and help with the bakery work a bit, then I went to Labor Ready. First, I found my car wouldn't start on its own. I was dismayed to see that my headlights was on yesterday. I thought that was strange, as I have always left my headlights on and it goes off as soon as the engine shuts down. Apparently, somewhere, it must not be working much too good anymore. After all, my car is over 3 years old.

Man-made things don't last as much as they used to.

Nothing much else is new. I was determined to start making some money, and I am thankful that my parents invited me to help in the bakery. And I am also glad that they let me go to Labor Ready. So I had to get Julia's car to jump-start my car, and I was afraid I would be late. Fortunately, I got to Labor Ready in time to fill out the application form, only to find out that I forgot to bring my IDs. So I drove back home. The whole time I wasn't expecting to get work today, although that would be nice. At least I got all my laundry put away and ironed.

Then I finished making a card for CDI staff, in mind for my sister as a headcook there. I enjoyed making cards with my computer, and I do like some scrapbooking, so I did enjoy myself.

Plus, I thought about it is high time for me to get into writing letters again.

Since I find quite a collection of stamps as I clean through my possession during my move from PA back to my parents' home, I decided to make use of them. Some of them don't have number on them, so I didn't know how much they cost. One thing, though, I did notice that they are from year of 2000, and I remember they weren't sure how much postage when they were making new stamps. Now I wasn't sure how much those postage cost. I am assuming they are 30+ cents, so I am using them for my mail to Belize.

And then I have other stamps too. Because of this, I decided to write to few of my friends. John Dan Burkholder's, especially, since it has been a long time since I wrote to them, or keep in touch with them in any way.

I did think in April would be Writer's Conference at Christian Light Publication, and it would be nice if I could lodge there again.

It would be nice to see that old couple from Dayton Mennonite Church. I wonder whatever happened to them, and if they are still living in that house, and if they are still participating in deaf ministry. It would be nice if I could have update of deaf churches and churches that offer interpreted services around the world.

Last Sunday, I thought it was intriguing to note the Sunday School lessons was based on 1 Peter 2:13-3:12, targeting the doctrine of submission. Then we read for devotions based on the back of Sunday School for that Sunday in Romans 14, and the last verse goes, "He that doubeth is damned if he eat, because he eateth not of faith: for whatsoever is not of faith is sin."

Now, while insisting submission, where does acting upon faith fit in? How do we know when submission becomes a cover-up for our dishonest self which in reality is a fear of men? I believe as long as submitting is what makes you feel alive, knowing that you are benefiting everyone around you, you are submitting correctly. If you are fearing men, thinking you are worthy of hell when you defend the quickening spirit in you that violate the standards set by men, not by the Bible; then it is time to seek elsewhere for a better company that help you defend that quickening spirit. Today, more and more people are realizing that changing churches does not endanger one for eternal hell, except that it is done in rebellion.

Ah, attitudes. Attitudes is everything. It is by your attitude that make one thing bad, and by other men's attitude that makes the very same thing good. Everything in this life is either good—or bad. Even in dress.

"The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." (Lamentations 3:22-23 NRSV)

An Angel says, "You can't hurt your eyes by looking on the bright side."

Those two quotes are part of my perpetual calendar I had at both sides of me. It is nice to flip to new day every day and be renewed by inspiring quotes. And it is nice to attend wintry weekly Bible Study to learn some facts concerning Christian Life.

In spite of all this, I find it intriguing that I felt immune to emotionally damaging preachings. Everything in this life is black and white to me, for this I rejoice at God's goodness to me. Submission to the Bible is not difficult at any point, like it used to be. Now I can see the perfect harmony between the contradicting teachings of the Bible. It is because of these seeming contradictions do I see err in ways of most Christians. They are either legalistic, or they took advantage of God's grace.

This coming Wednesday is Bible Study concerning God-honoring social relationships. I am now strong supporter of choosing your friends which with whom you frequent, and at same time, be impartial in action.

Some of you may be curious what is Labor Ready exactly. It is a place where people can go and get temporary jobs. You can work for that day and get paid for that day. I am hoping to get something, so I can earn few money. I am hoping to be able to multiply on it, and be able to go to Belize before Susan returns back to States. She already promised to teach in Zanesville, Ohio, come fall.

Ah, I see that today is inauguration day. It is when Obama takes over the Oval Office. Let us pray for his soul's salvation and that he seeks to benefit the world, rather than taking that office for the sake of himself.

Well, it is better I got this letter short, so I don't have to make some of my readers wasting their time reading my letters, even if I enjoy writing them. I hope to hear from you as well, so I can continue enjoy sending you emails, faxes, and letters.

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January 23, 2009

Dear Friends;

"You know with all your heart and soul that not one of all the good promises the Lord your God gave you has failed. Every promise has been fulfilled; not one has failed." (Joshua 23:14 NIV)

A timely message from one of my perpetual calendar. This morning, my old time friend called my mother concerning my behavior at Penn Valley Christian Retreat last November. And then I got a message from my friend yesterday on Facebook, concerning my behavior and speech in recent past.

I realized that I never really publicly confessed my sin of misbehaving and improper speech. Such conduct of mine are probably what influence my answers to questionnaire when trying to find work at Labor Ready, thus resulting them not accepting my application. Now that my application is denied, I wouldn't be able to re-apply there for another year.

It is high time for me to act upon my ambition, but I realize that I have to wait on the Lord. I would have to work for my money first and then move into investing in my business ambition.

Anyway, I realize the error of my influential behavior at Penn Valley, plus with my gang in Lancaster County. I am still glad I moved in with my parents, because I expect that I would improve. Of course, I didn't realize that the method of improving me would put me to test so severely that I got tempted to get discouraged. Yet, I purposed to stay with my parents, not moving any more until I can settle in Belize.

I am reminded by the story of King David, when he went trusting in his own power by counting his army. God send prophet to him, and Kind David did take the message to heart. He repented, but God still punish him by killing many Israelites. Imagine that the innocent have to die for the guilty. I hope that don't happened in my case, still the fact that I am reminded of my evil reputation help me realize how others may have suffered. They may even have a bad taste for Christianity, that they don't want to continue or grow into the Biblical-based Christianity.

For this, I want to say that I am sorry. I hope that you don't judge all Christians by me alone, nor do I ask you to judge them by anyone else alone. Christians, it is well said, are not perfect, but they are forgiven. We may know their past reputations and said we want nothing to do with it, but we must not forget that everyone have something good about them—even non-Christians too. Everyone have a sense of right and wrong, so if you felt that someone is wrong about something, you probably are right in that issue alone.

I felt like I am walking through the valley of death, but I fear no evil, for God is with me. I fear no one, not even those legalists. I felt like everyone kept reminding me of my past, quite forgetting that God has forgiven and forgotten, once when that person confessed his wrongs.

I don't blame them for not forgetting, because they didn't know I repented. Plus, they are human enough to remember forever.

The truth of losing job at Keystone Koating was because of my impulsiveness and not protecting my salvation with fear and trembling. "Fools rush in where angels fear to tread." I was very much a fool that day, violating the company's policy of alcohol-free workplace. (The reason I didn't share this fact to everyone was because I felt God forgave me for my mistakes as I have repented of it. And what's the point of going over the same old story, if God completely forgot what He forgave? Plus, I strongly feel that they terminated my employment was because they are looking for ways to save money in this frail economy and they laid off 5 men not long before they fired me, which is why I felt I am telling the truth by saying I am laid off, although I generally say "I lost my job".) It is getting to the point that I didn't know how to answer some of the questions I had to face while trying to apply at Labor Ready. You know, in saying the truth and acting out the truth are not the same thing.

I want to say what I most likely would do in real life, not what I would want to as it is right. Like for example, one question was about, Would you buy a car from a person who stole the car? If it would be worded like this, "Would you buy a car you KNEW was stolen?" I probably would have answered no. But in my case, I am deaf, and how can I expect to always understand what people are saying? Plus, why would I buy a car if I already have one? Plus, would it ever happened? I think not. Maybe I again answer that question bit too impulsively, because if I would take time to consider, I probably would understand that question is very generic one, and I would answered that I wouldn't.

Anyway, I felt God has a special plan for me and my family and friends in all this, just as much as God has special plans for those dying for King David's sin, as well as their families, friends, and King David himself.

I realize too that I was bit much like a legalist by stressing so much on looking upon the law of liberty, and not being cooperative to those among me. For that, I apologize as well.

It is tempting to think there are gray areas such as the line between profitable stubbornness and absolute obedience to what the Spirit have revealed to you. That's where faith comes in. We don't need to worry about the gray areas, if we are focusing on Jesus for our righteousness.

Perhaps, I am being a Cat Christian by thinking about my righteousness, rather than how to incorporate my righteousness to His righteousness. I mean, I should develop more of a "C" personality to protect my salvation with fear and trembling. Am I doing what I KNOW is right, or am I merely going along with the flow?

Last evening, I went to Bible Study. We studied about relationships, and what is a Christian way to social relationships. We learned great deal, and my school best friend interpreted. After service, we got into lively discussion. I didn't say too much, because by his fruits I knew that he is not all that open-minded.

Again, with that phone call this morning, I am reminded of what I already know. It is very human to shut your mind against any more words of truth coming from the very person who does many things wrong—even if it is only seemed wrong to you. We know that Pharisees does the very same thing. They rejected Jesus because of his friendliness to any common man and because of his defiance to their laws. He points out their inconsistencies, and they didn't like him for it.

Ah, spilling that down, really help me to resolve and to remonstrate.

My friend told me that he didn't think God expect us to view life in black and white. Well, to be honest, I prefer that life is either holy or wicked, because if the gospel of Jesus is simple, the holy living should be simple as well. I got convicted by our lively discussion last night, that people who felt there are gray areas in life are the ones that don't keep gospel simple. They are the ones who fear sin rather than living boldly for God. I have long struggled against inconsistencies in my life, and now that I am free from them, so I certainly don't want to fall back in that struggling, joyless life. For this, I am determined to continue to grow into more consistent life, even if it may means pharisaic Christians may cast me out based on their own inconsistencies.

Even my mom and my sister rise against me because they felt I have false teaching. That's their privilege to think that way; it is just that I cannot help I grew up in very inconsistent family. I saw that my mother's family are more gracious than my father's family. I also saw that my mother's family are more accommodating to people around them, while my father's family disdained anyone who think differently than them. Not all his family is like that, thankfully, but if you generalize everything, you would notice that plainer people are more legalistic than those who are not very plain, and liberated people are more plainer than those who took advantage of God's grace (licensed to sin). Liberated and open-minded people tend to noticed the foolishness of earthly possession. They may have them, because it make life more enjoyable, but they don't depend their life and happiness on them. Again, this general persecptive isn't always true, because even the most worldly can be legalistic. Who I call legalistic are those who always feel angered when their code of ethics get violated, and then they shut out the very person who could be a messenger of truth, even if that person is very unChristian.  Think of all those churches who refuse to share communion with other churches, simply because of differing cultures or standards!  Then think what it would look like to know that members from opposing churches meet in heaven which wouldn't share communion while on earth!

I believed I achieved the true meaning of open-mindedness, despite of what others say. What I mean by open-mindedness is including everything in the picture. Remember, God is the creator of this Universe. He creates everything—both good and bad! But notice that where God created evil is where people choose against good. If there is no good there, then there have to be something in its place. God don't create nothingness. Everything is a matter, even air. Even mere thoughts are energy. Open-minded people would notice that focusing your thoughts on evil or negative would make you feel discouraged, thus leaving you more susceptible to temptations, whereas focusing on good make you feel encouraged, enthusiastic, quickened and less susceptible to evil or any form of negativity. Hence, thoughts are energy.

So, I beg you, my dear friends, hear the words of James, "Do not err, my beloved brethren." Just because a person did wrong things, does not mean he never did anything right. Last night's Bible Study tells us that if we focus on good points of our parents rather than bad, we can build on it. Likewise, we can do the same with anyone else. "Great minds talk about ideals, average minds talk about events, small minds talk about people."

If you read your Bible with open mind, you would notice that it talks of Spirit as a quickening power. Build on that, you would be living an awesome, liberated life ever! Sure, we would happen to do things that we don't particularly enjoy, but if we focus on God's goodness, even menial job will bring you joy. Even then, God don't expect you to continue in things unfitting to your nature or personality, if you have the power to change your life and your lifestyle.

Again, I beg for your forgiveness and for your prayers so that I may become more consistent and continue in love and truth, and follow after what quickens me in spirit. Pray, also, that I am to be strong enough to stand alone, if necessary.

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January 24, 2009

Before lunch, I was parading around in the basement, trying to recite to myself the first chapter of James. I have it pretty much memorized thus far, with the first verse on the first day of the month. Today is January 24, so that means I have memorized verses from James 1:1 to 24. After the 27^th day, I would be reviewing the whole chapter of James 1, in hope to stick the chapter in my mind. Then, you probably would call me a walking Bible! <Grin>

While I was trying to memorize the verses 19-24, I had a hard time. I was bit too excited. I had a rush of inspiration to go over and talk with the bishop Larry Weber and ask him about becoming a member at Meadow View Mennonite Church. After all, if I got baptized by immersion as a visible symbol of what happened in my heart, so why not become member at Meadow View as a visible symbol of my membership of One True Church? What arrive me to this conclusion is because John Dan Burkholder and my family is being tempted to judge me by what they see me—I am not a member at church anywhere. I hate to think my family is in danger of hell just because of me. My family has always been legalistic, which makes my Christian living so discouraging and difficult back in the day. Now I KNOW the Truth, and the truth sets me free, and no man can move me out of God's love.

I know Meadow View ministry don't approve of Belizean deaf ministry or other ministries that I supports, but that don't defer me. There are no perfect church, so what's the point of focusing on negative things concerning the Washington-Franklin Conference? I will continue in doing what I believe is right—God is no respecter of persons, which also can include any church!

Since Boonsboro Library is closed at 7pm, so I will go there first. Plus, I need to call Larry Weber and Russel Petre to see if they would be home, so I won't waste my time going to their homes only to find them absent.

So you take care until we meet again.

Today is Bethany Gehman's birthday, and I sure wonder how she is doing. Especially in her Christian life and all.

It has been a long time since I wrote a blog. It is about time! Perhaps one reason I didn't write was because I was bit humiliated about losing my job, but I felt I learn my lesson and it was a good test for me to think positively even if everything is against me.

I enjoy Christmas party that I hosted at Jay's and then I moved back to my family's home the following Monday. It was good to be back home, to my very own room, that I can do whatever I pleased with it.

I haven't found any new job since I lost my last job, and I may wasted some good time on trivial pursuits. Still, I have began writing a book, and try catching up reading e-books.

That e-book that I am reading these days, Think and Grow Rich. The message is clear and it is very deep. It is so deep that I have to stop reading at the end of the chapter and go for a walk along the creek, to Burnside Bridge, or through Antietam Battlefield. I was stunned to see so many similar principles can be applied to Christian Life! And many teachings in that book also agrees with the Bible, which again convinces me that God's truths are eternal and unchanging. Again, it is enough to say that we don't need any books other than the Bible to live a good life; although many of us would admit that reading books would color our views and understanding of the Bible. Most of us, who grew up reading the Bible, tend to take truths less real and personal to us. Hence the books may change that viewpoint.

One interesting point in that e-book I am reading also teaches purity! That was what we are going to study about this coming Wednesday. I did the questions and I look over my Christian life.

I have always had a see-saw life; I follow the moods that I am in. One day, I may have a holy passion, studying the Bible or anything religion related. Next day, I may felt lazy and want to do mischief. I would go as far as going against the better knowledge. It was a vicious cycle that I had for many years. I would say 15 years of Christian life, although that personality of mine has always been with me since childhood.

I was thinking about there are times when I seriously want to live a good life, and then there are times when I felt like giving up. On and on it goes, until finally last August, I understood.

I read the latest Country magazine this afternoon and saw the Rural Pearls in the back that say, "You can't put old heads on young shoulders." How true. No matter how much I may wish people would see things the way I do, I have to remind myself that people learn at their pace. And they learn by doing, more than anything, according to recent e-books I have had read. If people continue to do what they think is right, they won't learn to see what the God says is right.

Think and Grow Rich mentions about Infinite Intelligence: that is a nice and unoffensive name to use when trying to talk with atheists who had a bad taste for God's name. Even then, that book did mention God in various places. Anyway, it is interesting to me to notice that a book that have best information to help you to succeed often go back to your mind power.

I have an e-book titled, "Burn the Fat, Feed the Muscle." I never get to finish reading that book; I suppose the information is too deep for me to absorb at one time. I should go back to that e-book again sometimes soon and that's what I plan to do after finishing Absolute Secrets e-books.

Those two books start out with your own power, the very power that God created in you. I am not talking about trying to live a holy life; it is choosing to want to do what is right. It is choosing and acting on what is universally recognized as truth. You can choose to do what is right and you can choose to think what you want to think. You can control your thoughts by directing it into whatever channels you put it. Many may say they cannot help but think wrong things, but they wouldn't admit that they can help about dwelling on it. A flash of thought is not same as thinking and mulling over it.

And those two books again talks about desire. If you want it badly enough, you will get it soon enough. If you want it badly enough, you will persevere in it and succeed in whatever you choose to do.

It is same idea that James is teaching. I am memorizing the book of James. I have always wish to memorize that book, but never had any stamina to stick to it until the end. Now I kind of make that into my New Year's Resolutions and determined to persevere in succeeding for whatever I wish to do. Anyway, back to James, I had memorized the first 10 verses of James 1. Verses 5-8 does teach persistence. Many Christians promote the idea of submission, and they took that idea too far. That's where "D" personality comes in. (If you read the book Who Are You...Anyway? or check the website, www.personalityinsights.com, you will know what I am talking about.) Sometimes you have to be defiant and stubborn; you won't have it any other way BUT THIS!

"A double minded man is unstable in all his ways." James 1:8

In all his ways! My point exactly! If you are unstable in some areas, you are unstable in other areas as well. In years past, I wasn't stable in my Christian life. I wasn't successful in saving money or in getting my business going. I wasn't successful in finding a wife either. Thus my Christian life was legalistic and licensed!

Before I hosted my Christmas party as well as my farewell party at Jay's, I start noticed that the very aura around me seems to be so different. Maybe I still have that problem of narcissism; still I felt the whole atmosphere changed around me for some reason.

I got involved with 4 people that I try talking them into thinking about the right way. A divorced mom say she wish her daughter would be with her for Christmas. But the problem is the court degreed that her daughter would be with her father most of the time, except scheduled times. So the problem is that mom would be stuck with her ex, if she want her daughter to be with her on Christmas. I told her why not forgive her ex and befriend him. Why not make up for the past? Why not invite him personally? She thinks I am crazy.

I ask one man about the pastor that I did consider of working with in deaf ministry. I heard that they didn't get along well, so I want to know if there is something I should know about that man I plan to work with. It turned out that man is at fault! I ask him if that pastor decided to go to his house uninvited, would he warmly invite that pastor in and keep peace? He say I am crazy to think like that!

One girl ask me if a girl would ask me out for a date, would I agree to it? I say NO! She said she ask many other men, and they agreed to it. I finally explain to her in my message to her in Facebook about why I don't agree to that. It is a easy way for man to get a wife, that's for sure, but it will make him more effeminate. If we observe the animals in the wild, we would notice that it is always the male who make the first move. God create man to take risks!

Another girl pined to her friends that I didn't invite her to my Christmas party. She even say I don't like her. I e-mailed to her directly that I will not invite her. I explain that it is her attitude that I am opposed to, not her persona. What I tried to help her is get her see that she is hurting herself more than anyone else. She is not in harmony with herself.

Of course, I have to remind myself that I am much like that myself back in the day. I remember Jason Eicher told me once that he hate most about my attitude of being "better than others". He hates it when I would get up and get my own red pepper shaker or my hot pepper sauce in the kitchen. The students at CDI aren't allowed to do that, but the staff can. So I took that privilege too far. He tried to explain it is those little things that I often get best things for myself.

Looking back, of course, I see that I do have a problem of narcissism.

No wonder I don't succeed well in my Christian life. I was quick to complain if someone would downplay me or defeat me. I didn't like losing games. I didn't like how the boys are better than me in sports or in any other areas.

No wonder.

Now back to Bible study. We sure have easy questions, because they are targeted to the youth. Many questions, I felt is laughable, but I understand. I was once that way myself.

When I consider few questions, I realize how tacky some situations I have caused the church ministry as well as CDI authorities to know how to deal with me. One question was: "When do evil thoughts become sin?" The answer is obvious; it is right there. For further explanation, I mentions whenever we seek for our glory. That was true in my case, but I don't know about everyone. If we start thinking about our well-being, it is dangerously close to sin. Some discussions we had at Bible study, I didn't like and didn't agree with, because I detect the spirit and the attitude of The Cat! (If you read that book, Cat and Dog Theology, you would know what I am talking about.) Even some answers that the bishop himself implies the attitudes that God is for us! It is very true, but I prefer the idea of being for Him!

One question in the study about purity was: "What is the basis for excommunicating a transgressor, even though he has repented?" I was excommunicated and suspended from communion more than once at my parents' church because I confessed that I sinned. I repented, but the church decided excommunication. I thought about different experiences I had over years, and I realize that question is tough. At first, I thought excommunication should only go to unrepentant, but later on, looking back, I realized that even if I repented, I didn't truly repent. If the church didn't excommunicate me, I wouldn't think about how serious a sin is. Just as much as it would mean to fire a Christian employee simply because he brought whiskey to workplace. If they didn't fire him because he say he is sorry and that he won't do it again, the sin of violating the company's policy wouldn't look so serious to him.

So the conclusion is: excommunication does have its benefits.

I also did the Sunday School lessons. It was based on 1 Peter 1:22-2:12. Some of the questions in there is intriguing to me. I felt like I can express my beliefs in them, although I probably won't answer in class. It make me think about many of my Christian friends think that I am walking on dangerous grounds, because of some teachings I shared and believed in.

Yesterday, I help Papa get some firewood in. Nicholas, the little boy who we babysit, want to be with Papa, but he is very afraid of that chain saw. He keep pestering Mama if that chain saw is put away, so he can go and be with Papa. I silently thought to myself that if that would be my boy, I would teach him to be brave and come near to chain saw. It is good to have some fear to protect him from harm, but he shouldn't be so afraid that he can't be around Papa.

That was an interesting experience I had and a good lesson for me. I have a passion for positive thinking and living boldly, so it was good to learn from Nicholas that day. I thought about Apostle Paul mentions about protecting his salvation with fear and trembling. I thought about the Bible does teach about fearing God, and it also repeatedly say fear not! So what is the healthy balance of fear?

I believe once we find that healthy balance of fear, we wouldn't want to take advantage of God's grace. We wouldn't want to sin, because it harms us and it hurts God. At same time, we shouldn't be afraid of what other man think, or if we know that the consequences of anything, including what we say or do, would leave us feeling good and blessed by God! What I mean by that is we should bravely and boldly do what we know would leave us feeling good and blessed at the end. Take for example, Rancey or Benji at CDI would practice on that unicycle until they succeed. They felt good once they know how! That alone is a blessing to have and to enjoy by the few. They did enjoy riding that unicycle around for a great while.

So my goal for this year is to be active and persistent in pursuing my business to prosper. I felt this is the best time of the history to succeed in your own business, because layoffs and unemployment is on rise, the highest in 16 years. People are realizing that if they work for their bosses, their lives are being controlled by their bosses. Their boss can fire them as they please. Their boss may be bound by the law to protect the employee, but the boss still have the control over the employee's paychecks and work life. So with jobless all high, it is good time to more business to get started.

After all, think of all large companies you can think of in USA. Most of them got started during the 1960's, 20 years after the Great Depression ends. I suspect the Great Depression have much to do with today's wealth and lifestyle that we as North Americans enjoy. So don't be dishearted by this looming depression, but be encouraged that people would start thinking seriously about life more.

Well, I must stop, and it is 12:30 Sunday morning!

Er, let me share one more thing...one of my memory verses went: "But the rich, in that he is made low, because as the flowers of the grass he shall pass away." It would be good for America to come to knees, because it is very rich and powerful. We are depending too much on technology that man made. While I advocate the idea that it is Christian to be rich, or at least prosperous, especially after reading Becoming Millionaire God's Way and Think and Grow Rich; I also warns against trusting in temporal things. We should have the spirit of Job, keep on trusting in God, no matter how situations present to us.

You have a nice night! Ok, it is nearly 1 AM by now. Good night, for sure now.

Postscript at 7:00 AM: after closing this letter and turn off the computer, I went to bed. I lay down thinking about Nicholas. Suddenly I thought of something. Nicholas is afraid of that chain saw, instead of trusting Papa. He didn't think about that Papa wouldn't harm him. He didn't think about Papa is a cautious person himself. How very much alike are many Christians in America today! We are afraid of things in this world. We don't want to sin, so we make rules for ourselves to avoid it. Mennonite and Amish churches make guidelines for its members to follow, so they won't be like the world. They are afraid of falling into sin or becoming like the world, instead of trusting God for their righteousness. We all have sinned and will continued to sin, so what's point of trying to avoid it? The Bible calls us to focus on the Author and the Finisher of our faith, and that whoever gather together in Jesus's name will have Jesus among them. Jesus is our advocate, and all we have to is to believe in Him so we can have access to God's kingdom. Abraham did and he is covered, even if he fibbed about his wife being his sister. (Consider Galatians 3:6 and Genesis 12:13, and then consider Revelation 21:8 that listed fear and unbelief as danger of hell fire!)

Besides, if you think about it, when church have their guidelines for its members, it is far too easy for its members to use those guidelines to feel that they are in God's favor. It is very dangerous and very easy to depend on guidelines, rather than trusting in God for our righteousness.

It is Monday morning now. I had 1 Peter 1,2 for Sunday School lesson, and got to hear Nathan Rohrer preach at Pinesburg Mennonite Church about being an overcomer. It was a good lesson for all of us, and I enjoyed it. I must admit that I was feeling bit dowsy that morning, much to my displeasure, but at least I learn and understood the message was about God's warning and promise to 7 churches. Then last evening, I got to hear David Weber preach. I couldn't help but think about all things that we went through in school, and times we spend together. To think 16 years ago, he and I went to Dominican Republic for my 16^th birthday and he was my interpreter. And then to think that my sister went there for two weeks Christmas vacation, just got home last Friday! David Weber preached about single eyeness. Just a timely message for me and it encourage me to take heart, the seriousness to be persistent in my godly pursuit. I realize that is my biggest problem: I never truly believe and I don't have goals to focus on. I didn't have a long-lasting results of my goals in mind.. Oh I have talked about this before. Yes, I KNOW I am a Christian, and there is no question about it. The question is now: will I be persistent in it and act upon my beliefs? At this time, I can say I am working on it, and I believe I will succeed by God's grace and by His power.

Anyway, it was a surprise and kind of tickling to see my cousin, Janet Martin, at Hagerstown Library this fine morning!

Room at the Manger, by Patrick D. Odum