Burky's Blog

I gotta get this email written.  It is middle of this week, and I fear that I might forget details of the weekend. 

I am writing this email to all who got involved or know a bit about it.  I am also including those who get my updates, which should be regular, but is not.

I see that the last time I wrote was before end of October.  So alot of water went over the falls since then.

October 27.  Did I tell you anything about that big weekend?  9 of us went to Elk County to enjoy sight-seeing and saw few elk in wild.  Peculiarly our fancy was bucks with massive antlers.  Then we went to Days Inn in Meadsville and stayed overnight.  We had a good time in swimming pool and hot tub. 

Oh dear, it has been few weeks since I got my last update email written.  And I am trying to start a business on Internet.  Every time when I start to be focused on it, I get sidetracked.  I thought I would have Thanksgiving Day to myself, but my sister told me that my family is coming to visit.  I know I should be glad to see them, but I often wonder when will I have time to myself?!

The weekend of October 27 went well, except it is a eye-opening experience for me.  We enjoy feeding stale bread to birds and fishes, but because of Amy confronting Paul, and the "war" got started.  I wish my friend would understand what exactly is happening, but they still don't.  There are finer details of human nature that is almost undetectable by human eye, but if you know the human nature and have studied on it, you would understand somewhat what is going on.

Since of that weekend, I resolved not to talk negatively about people.  I know my parents brought me up to be like that, being and appearing "more holy" than others by criticizing.  My parents never scold my sister and try to improve her natural-born critical nature.  At least not to my knowledge.  When they scold me, it is always a public matter, but when my sister get punished, I often don't know about it.  Don't seem fair, is it?

Oh now here I go, speaking negatively.  It is hard to think positive when all you think about is what is happening.  My heart nearly breaks to see my friends spitting against each other.  Even Paul Hoover won't let me help him.  Or so it seems.  But then maybe I am not willing to help others.  Rather, I would just be an example. 
But it is so sad, so sad, that Amy is more willing to think bad about people than to think good.  When I was fretting about being bogged down with so many activities, and I named them one by one--and when I say something about party at Curtis and Paula's, Leon's first reaction was that he never heard anything about it.  I know I used to be like that, but it don't bother me much anymore.  And as soon as Leon say that, then Amy say Paula hates her.  Why would she think like that?  Anyway, that jolted me and decided that I won't fret if I missed out.  In fact, I am counting blessings of my quiet, alone time.

So because of October 27 weekend, I resolved never speak negatively about people except those who can understand realistically.

October 31, I remember that was the day I got baptized when I was 16 years old.  I recalled it was 14 years ago.  I resolved that I will be a better Christian from that day forward.  Of course, I didn't do everything I should have done at Penn Valley Christian Retreat, but I don't feel I have done anything bad either. 

It is nice to have a holiday when I was baptized, so I can easily remember when I was baptized.  Can make a celebration out of it, but I know most of my friends aren't interested in celebrating that memory.  Not even Joel Reed; he is the kind who don't make anything special--or so it seems.

November 4 weekend.  First Deaf Mennonite Church have their revival weekend, but I went to Curtis and Paula Horning's place for birthday party for Dan and Kelly Villa.  It was nice to see them again, but again, Leon spoil Lisa Biddinger's enjoyment for the evening, then we all didn't get to enjoy a game or two.  We just chatted and watch TV.  Nothing exciting.  I did feel like leaving already, but Lisa caught me and had me pegged.  We had a good chat after everyone left, but I got home rather late then I went to FDMC Sunday morning to hear that preacher from Texas.  He is hearing himself, and he seem to carry well.  He seems to be more affable than Lewis Meyers tend to be.

That Sunday afternoon we had a fellowship meal at church and birthday party for Debbie Hoffer.  We had a good time, and even Lisa Ciccarelli and her friends were there.  It was nice to see them again.  And I saw few that I have met elsewhere.  They just show up because Debbie is now 50! 

November 10 weekend.  I went to Brooklyn, part of New York City.  I met a guy on Internet and he invited me to go to Thanksgiving party for deaf in Brooklyn.  I went and I admitted now that I wish I never went.  Friday evening I drove on turnpike to NYC, but I got sleepy.  To be safe, I decided to pull off on the shoulder where there is a parking space and dozed off a bit.  My friend, Louie, buzzed my Blackberry and ask where I am at.  I told him I went to sleep and he told me not to.  Then the traffic is bad as I near New York City.  $9 toll just get across the bridge!  I thought that was scandalous.  But I do know that NYC tend to have everything expensive. Upon arriving Louie's home, he told me that his mom don't want me to sleep overnight at his house.  So he had to find hotel for me to stay.  I was disappointed, because I didn't plan to stay on any expense, even though Louie did pay for my lodging.  Saturday morning I found my car went missing.  Friday evening we found the hotel that charge $75 per night then we drove around Brooklyn.  When we went back to hotel, the parking spaces got full.  Last resort got us parking, blocking the driveway.  I felt bit queasy about it, but Louie thought it should be ok.  Just for overnight, anyway.  But Saturday morning, it went missing.  I thought maybe Louie would drive off because he has my car keys.  But when he came back, I ask him about it.  He didn't have it, so we went to hotel manager and ask for help.  He ask around and found where my car is.  It is locked at tow truck office.  That office is open only for a hour or so that afternoon, and I need my car, so I decided to miss much of the thanksgiving party and went to get my car.  Upon arrival, I don't have debit card or enough cash, so I couldn't get my car.  It sure give me a clearer picture how distrustful New Yorker tend to be.  Crime is high in that city and unemployment rate is higher than Lancaster County, so you don't find Lancaster County affability there.  I thought about if I have that situation in Lancaster County, they probably would mercifully accept my checks even if it is not their policy.

I didn't know what to do, because my friend who would give me an immediate help is out of my contact reach.  He don't have sidekick with him and I don't even know who and what do they have at the party so I can reach him.  So I am stuck with my friends.  I decided to ask Paula, because I was chatting with her a bit awhile ago.  Then I start talking with Curtis and Leon.  I knew Leon is very willing to drive long distance to help a friend.  He love to drive, so I did ask him.  But first I ask him for Lewis's phone number.  I got it and contact Lewis and ask him what to do.  Being knowledgable with Internet and all, he was a best friend to rescue me then.  But when he finally got his money wired by Western Union to me, the office got closed.  So my only option left is to go back to hotel.  I had map program on my blackberry, so I got the address where I was and where I want to go.  But that maps is for driving, and I can't walk on highway, so I decided to walk on streets, following the highway.  I did that until I found that the highway is not all bridge.  So I couldn't really follow it anymore.  So I decided to try to remember where it is and try to walk around.  Again Lewis IMmed me and ask where I am.  He didn't feel comfortable of having me being lost and alone in Brooklyn.  He found the nearest subway station to where I was and told me to go to it.  I went and didn't find it right way.  So I ask a man, and he told me where it is.  I walked over and found it.  And I got the message on subway map that I can get to 95th street and that is close to where the hotel is.  I was so relieved to find hotel, but still apprehensive about what is going to happen on Sunday.

Louie email me few times, so I replied.  I was so grateful for my blackberry.  But I do know that means I am technology depended than God depended.  Sure wonder how those people do without modern technology as we know it back in Middle Ages and all.  I told Louie to find me at the hotel.  He came over and found me sleeping and door locked.  I told him I would leave the door unlocked, but I waited too long for my patience.  After a good talk, and explaining what happened, he regret that he couldn't help me faster.  He ask me to eat out, but I thought he don't understand that I am pinching pennies.  But I went, realizing that Louie don't really understand everything as I see it.

Sunday morning we ask the hotel manager what to do.  He called and found out that they can deliver to me on Sunday, although it would means I need to pay more.  Well, while I mind losing more dollars, but I need my car back so to go to work on Monday.  So I decided to get my car back.  But instead of our first plans in going to WTC and Central Park, we waited by the phone, so to speak.  One hour, one hour, one hour....finally I got my car back at 5:30 PM.  Finally! 

I only planned to spend $100- in New York City, but here I had to pay $33 for taxi to get to my car, $190 to get my car back, $75 for parking violation, and plus expected from eating out.  It sure make me feel like I am not supposed to go to Brooklyn at the first place.  But when I finally arrived home at 10 PM Sunday evening, I was so relieved and so glad to be home that I had a wave of feeling that I would like to go back to Brooklyn.  If bus fare to Washington D.C. from Brooklyn would be $15, it would be cheaper to Ephrata or Lancaster.  Amtrak fare vary from $30 to $40, which is far more cheaper than worrying where to park in congested New York City.  And I would save gas on my car too.  Then if I travel by overnight, I wouldn't need to stay at hotel in NYC.  That $75 for a room in Brooklyn, NY, is much more poorer than $65 a room in Meadsville, PA.

But still....do I really want to?  That Louie is bit freaky.  I mean, I am not comfortable with excessive giving.  After learning about 5 Love Languages, I felt that gifts is least on my list.  That was basically because I am too picky that I am often unhappy with what people give me for birthdays and Christmas.  Well, maybe I am not unhappy, but I still would have to "hid" it.  I don't like gifts that has to do with interior decor or design.  Clothes are ok, if people ask me what I want and they get me what I want or need, but if it is something that I don't generally wear or wouldn't buy, I don't know what to do with it.  Lisa and Paul both ask me what I want for Christmas, well, I would say that black jeans and black Dickie cell pants with waist-size of 36 is what I need right now.  It seems like I have more shirts than pants and I wish I have more pants.  But sometime people would give me things that I don't know what to do with.  That is also what I thought about wedding gifts....do I really want to get married?  People would give me things that I don't really want.  But if people give me books, I don't mind, because I am a book collector.  Still, the best love language that I respond to the most is quality time, which is why my parents can't understand why I love playing cards and/or games on any rainy day.

At one point, when I was commenting on clothes I saw at the store, Louie ask me if I want it.  He would buy for me, but I felt bit pissed.  Why can't I just say something on my mind and not have to worry about him buying it?  I don't need another coat, but I do enjoy admiring a fine piece of work.

November 17 weekend.  My, that was a wonderful weekend.  I think it is funny that Louie worry about me and cluck over me like a mother hen.  I don't like that, or maybe I just am not used to it.  Still, he don't understand the kind of culture I grew up in.  He thought it best to have few friends, but I felt like I never have enough friends.  I always need one more.  Never know that the next friend may be my help in time of need.  I am thankful that I met Mark Shenk because he knows about computers and Internet more than anyone I know.  I am thankful for Lisa Ciccarelli, because of her, I get to know more of deaf events.  I am thankful for Leon and Amy Hoover, because Leon is so much fun.  He like playing Rook too.  Ricky Eberly and Paul Hoover and Jay Edwin Zimmerman.  We all like playing Rook, which we tend to do most Sundays this year.  Anyway, Penn Valley is not a dangerous place.  Not like Brooklyn. 

I have asked Friday afternoon off so I can have early start for Penn Valley.  But because of Paul's boss, we didn't get going until 5 and then we stop at restaurant near Mifflinstown as we planned, so we didn't get to Penn Valley until after the service there is over.  I would rather be there earlier, because I don't have much time to meet everyone.  I would rather be at Penn Valley for supper too.  But it is foolish to drive alone, when there are friends we can carpool together and cut costs.  So I have to bend for my friends' sake.

James Burkholder, my deaf Kentuckian friend, came to stay overnight at my home.  I was so glad to see him, and it is nice to have him over.  We had a good time, then we carpool to Penn Valley.

We already reserve that cabin we slept in for next year.  I was thinking it would be nice if Jay's brother can bring his RV to the cabin, so more of our friends can sleep close each other.  And we can partied late too.

Monday, I am back to work.  I don't know why but I feel so sleepy so much.  I don't like that a bit.  But the whole week, it drizzled outside and look foggy, the kind I would want to stay home and enjoy a good game of cards.  But Jay isn't much for card playing, especially if it is just two of us.  And I have to go to work, victimized by Keystone Koating.

It is getting so bad that I want to start my own business on Internet--NOW!  But the problem is every time when I focused on starting a business, there always goes a time.

I finally got this email written, and I am glad to have that off my mind.  All my friends are hanging on my updates for their dear lives, so it seems.  Even Janet ask me at Penn Valley Christian Retreat (Deaf Seminar) if I still do updates.  Lisa wonder what is happening to me lately. 

I am thankful that things are turning out that I may have more time to upstart Internet business.  I was thinking of Thanksgiving Day, but my family are coming, so I have to give up that time.  Sorry if I sound so selfish, but we never was very close-knit family anyway.

On this Thanksgiving Day, I would have to find ways to be thankful. 

I am thankful for my parents, for they brought me into this world.  They didn't bring up a close-knit family, so I am more free from my family life now.  Because of lack of praise and encouragement, I didn't feel love enough to want to stay in Mennonite church where I grew up.  I am thankful for exposure to new things, things that Bible promote and realize that Mennonites don't support them.  I am thankful that my parents are not strict on my reading materials, or I would never realize that Mennonites aren't 100% Biblical.  I am thankful that my parents learn sign language for my siblings' sake, because I have a cutting edge in the deaf world.  What I mean, is that I know sign language from infancy, I can be well educated better than most deaf people.

I am thankful that I went to Belize, despite that Mennonites I grew up with don't approve.  Because of Belize, I learn so much about life in general.  I am thankful that Frank ask all of us to learn behavior science such like Theophostic counsellings and Personality Insights.  I am thankful that, because of that, I got my family interested and my sister had me to read a book about temperaments, thus broadening my understanding of people.

I am thankful that in this hopeless world, God is our Hope.  I am thankful that in God, we have no reason not to achieve anything we aspire to do.  As God is God of impossible, we can achieve that most people think impossible.  All we need to excerise our faith to move mountains.  Because of that, we have no excuse or right to say that we can't.  We have no right to tell others that they can't. 

I am thankful that the Bible give us a way of life.  A much better life than most people are living.  While it is not the easy road, it still get the best dividends.  I am thankful that the doctrine of nonresistance and pacifism is much better than war.  It is not an easy road, and most people don't understand that God's goodness is much more powerful than Satan's evil.  I am thankful that God's wisdom is revealed to babies, not to the prudent who always try to live by common sense, because common sense is often depend on what they see, not by what they believe. 

I am thankful that I met few friends online and hopefully because of them I can prosper well.  I am thankful for all my friends who pray for me and for my soul.  I am thankful that my mom are becoming more serious about Christian living and realize that living by faith is much more rewarding than living by sight.

I am thankful that God send His only begotten Son Jesus to die for our sins that we don't need to suffer as much.  I am thankful that God have done everything for us, and now the only thing we need to do is to act upon our faith.  And He long to see us "take heaven by force" so to move mountains, as that's the only way to excerise faith.  I am thankful that the power of prayer is not limited to what is good and holy, but what is amoral as well.  Most Christians believe that we need to pray God's will so to get answers, which is true, but they limited what is God's will.  I am thankful that I understand God's will for our lives more clearly and because of that I am not giving up until I win the crown.

I am thankful for my friends here and aboard.  I am thankful for new friends that I will make in future.  I am thankful for my job even if it is taxing.

Ah, I am thankful that being thankful is the main way to keep apostasy in check. 

In time of life when I have to pay $200+ for what can be avoided in Brooklyn; lost my coat, shirt, and jeans at Penn Valley; cut off my new debit card (ATM) by mistake, and doctor bills exceeding what I can afford, and my computer is begging for replacement...it is easy to see why I am so despaired.  But I have to think positive and believing that the shining light of hope is coming right up.  Right now, I don't feel I have any real friends; Mark make sure I see that.  Then whenever I try to focus on my Internet business, people keep bothering me, so I feel like I need to stop chatting online.  And start scheduling my life.  I need to excerise more, so I better do that more.  The rate things are happening right now makes me feel like this could be the climax before the next breakthrough--hopefully a profitable Internet business!

I am emailing this to more than my e-newsletter list, because there are quite a few involved in my NYC incident.  So hello everyone, and happy thanksgiving to all.
--
Omar Burkholder
1091 Martindale Road
Ephrata, PA 17522

Email:  deafdemophile@gmail.com
Fax:     1-888-580-1767